distracted

There is a big difference in the way I think now compared to how I was thinking 20 years ago. I was a hopeful teenager with over flowing optimism. My confidence was always skyrocketing and my decision making was dive in head first but calculated. It’s kinda stupid but that’s how I rolled. Today, I am eager to be that kid again.

I was a really happy youngster with big dreams and I was driven to do anything just to turn my ideas into reality. I push myself to be the best in what I can do even if it’s just a simple chemistry project. I grew up watching MTV and listening to fresh songs on the radio. I’d copy the dance moves I see and make my own choreography. I’d fantasize making my own music video and conceptualise it. I remember dancing by myself in front of the whole student body..twice because somebody had to perform and I love “sharing” my talent even if I hear negativity from others. I like what I was doing and didn’t care what others think. Later on, I find myself having roles on plays, filming gigs and numerous dance competitions. I even organised these kinds of events. I think that’s the power of attracting what we want in life. If we keep doing what we love, an opportunity will soon open and it will be a shame not to grab it by the balls.

I feel that I still have that kid inside of me. Although much have changed, in reality we always protect our core – our true self. I feel like I am peter pan looking for his own shadow… I have to be there for myself. I know my role as a son, as a nurse, as a husband, as a friend and in a period of time while I’m here in the UK, I got distracted and never really took the time to nourish my inner self – to know my role for myself. I was preoccupied by friends who were meant to last for a season, which lead me to briefly enter a foreign career path just because I want to be closer to them. I totally ignored my instincts and lost my track. Now, I am back to square one with lots of negative monologues in my mind… but I found hope once again.