I dread to step on the weighing scale because I know I am gaining so much weight.

The weight gain was gradual. I was 74 kilos back in early 2019 and I knew I was stress eating. I think I was trying to cope with a phase and also, I want to blame the covid-19 pandemic like a normal person.

I am trying to understand why is this happening. Then, I realised that I was addicted to stress and excuses.

Like Mark Manson said in his book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck”, we are often a victim of what he called a Hedonic Treadmill. I always tell myself, if only I have an 8-5 job I can find time to exercise, if only I have enough space, I can do 30min exercise everyday, if only I have the right shoes etc. I make excuses… clearly. I would make an effort but later on I’d give up and end up munching on junk foods or mindlessly binging on carbohydrates, sugary coffee and other unhealthy treats while watching TV or surfing on social media.

I gathered courage tonight to weigh myself and I am shocked to learn that I am now 85 kilos – the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life. 3 weeks ago, I was 81kilos. What happened?

I am pretty sure that this salter weighing scale is not broken. It has a toughened glass platform with a minimalist design. You can click the link if you are interested to have one.

On the other hand, I am scared because my Blood Pressure is now reaching 140 systolic… I am hypertensive at 34years old. I am in denial sometimes but I am taking action right now because I know that hypertension is a silent killer.

As of the moment, I am having the urge to eat again but I know that I am not hungry.

I had a conversation with Leah, my friend who lost weight before her wedding last year. She said that if she noticed that she has been eating a lot, psychological there is something wrong and it is our responsibility to identify the “thing” that tempts us to eat.

I feel that the big decisions I made over the last 2 years tricked my mind into forming unhealthy habits. I watch TV a lot, sleep after eating or eat food because I feel like I want to. I have been emotionally charged because I chose to become emotional about a lot of stuff. kinda stupid to think about it in retrospect. Hence, I have become an emotional eater or maybe worse. Whatever you call it, I am taking action because I am not liking this.