19 July 2002, Thursday, 2219 Entry No. 4
“The moon stills hangs on the darkness of the night. I know it is there even though it is cloudy outside. I feel its presence… Every time I see the moon, especially when it is full, I usually feel peace inside my mind, heart and soul. A perfect time to reflect on the different faces of my life.”
Mrs. Eden, my high school english teacher, said that my journal entry sounded very romantic and literary. I felt like I was Shakespeare when she said that but as I read the succeeding paragraphs today, it made me cringe and slightly vomit. I wrote a little bit too much about friendship and family life. It’s not an exaggeration but I am guessing that every teenager most of time writes about how they carry the entire world every forking day. Is it a Millennial thing? Maybe. Can we blame the raging hormones of adolescence? Perhaps. I was timid, confused and had a habit of debasing myself. I had zero self-confidence.
Anyway, I feel like I still have a piece of that teenage mindset I had years ago. I used to think that when I reach my 30s, my confidence is 10/10. Now, I realised that I am wrong because it varies in every situation. Looking back, I think I had moments when my confidence is over the moon but life punches us in the gut so hard sometimes that my balls shrinks altogether at the same time. We try to build our character for a period of time and we develop confidence. We feel as if we’re invincible like superman. Then, one unexpected strike and we crawl back to self-pity and low self esteem.
How do we rebuild our confidence?
1. Choose your own tribe.
The things I considered achievement in life were obtained because of the support of the people around me. People I can count on when I fail. I don’t usually feel afraid of making mistakes nor feel insecure when I surround myself with loving and kind friends and family. Going back all these years, I came up with a conclusion:
“Self confidence is a developed in a society, in a circle of friends.”
I now agree with this statement 100%. Our decisions in life sometimes put us in an environment where it will test our confidence. You get defeated by people who decided to stab you front and back with words similar to an old, rusty knife. This knife that penetrated your flesh not only caused you pain and bleeding but it slowly infected your body – a poison that attacks every fibre of your mind and spirt. So, the best thing to do is choose your own tribe. Choose the right people in your life and choose the right environment – a place which aligns with your own values.
2. Get your Confidence from God
Personally, prayer is one of the most effective ways to conquer fear and boost confidence. During the start of this year, I had a habit of listening to a podcast called Your Daily Prayer Podcast. I don’t know why but I always feel calm and relaxed listening to the speaker’s stories, devotional content and personal prayers. I firmly believe that this tranquil feeling is from God. I don’t want to sound too religious but listening and reading the word of God gives me confidence. It’s like an angel whispering to me,”God’s got your back.”. Friends, do not allow evil plant fear and other forms of negativity in your mind. Have confidence that God is our Saviour, Redeemer and His plans are perfect because He loves us so much. The key to became strong and confident is to Have Faith.
Mathew 17:20 says “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain,’Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
Maybe Mrs. Eden mentioned that my journal entry written 18 years ago sounded poetic because I was trying to commune with nature and my surroundings whilst trying to find peace in my heart… like I was formulating an intimate prayer. She was a good teacher because she pinpointed that I was lacking confidence because I worry too much about people’s opinion. She basically told me to just calm my tits. hahaha! She said,”Nikko, I understand your predicament. Adolescence is a stage of confusion but it doesn’t mean that you can’t overcome this. As long as what you’re doing is right, then you don’t have to worry… People are cruel. We have to be patient. You still have a lot of years to live so every morning be inspired by the dawn, a new day.” I omitted a few lines but it’s the gist of her message.
Teenage life was a very confusing time but personal struggles are still present now that I am in my 30s. I know I conquered my demons that drained my confidence when I was a teenager but life has a way of reminding me of the things I learned from the past. The real question right now is,”Am I confident to face the things that life is throwing at present?” My quick answer is YES because I found my tribe and ever day, I am working on my relationship with God. My wife, family and true friends are my support and I have a very powerful God who can save me from any uncertainties.